There's been a social gathering in the back garden of 3 tiverton (my childhood home). An older guy has arrived late and Ive come in from the back garden to the kitchen to find him some food as I think he's hungry and its late.
While I'm sorting out some food I become aware that karen (my brother's scottish ex-wife) is sitting our living room - she must be staying over. and I'm listening to her accent thinking she's sounding very much like a geordie now! As I mention this from the kitchen, I hear that my voice sounds quite scottish to her. As I pop my head in the living room to say hello I can see she's sitting in my mum's chair and my dad is moving towards her to pick something up near to her. I have the feeling that she would just ignore him if she were on her own (in front of others she could appear friendly and open but underneath there's a selfishness and uncaring aspect that I don't like).
I'm going back out to the garden with this long awaited food, but its so late that my old friend is retiring to bed in our big caravan that has now appeared. But it is now my friend 'P'and his son C' that are here. I see his son first he's just brushing his teeth getting ready to go to bed. I say hi - then notice there's some water on the floor of the van underneath a sink on the wall. and the hot water tap is left running but on further inspection its actually a pipe underneath that has lost a bung and the water is just pouring out!!! i'm trying to plug it with my finger but know I will need to fix this properly.
Next moment Karen pops her head in the door, P is in his bed at this point and without knocking she just comes into his space (which I think is a little thoughtless and lacking respect for his privacy) then her partner arrives with their young (2/3yrold) son. Her partner is holding the boy and leans across the bed thrusting the little boy towards P to say hello...(I'm thinking good grief ..give the guy some space..he's in his bed!!!) But surprisingly..(or maybe theres not much choice...) P springs up, leans toward the child and playfully nuzzles his unshaven face into the littel boy's. (something my father used to do with me). As he does this I catch a glimpse of P's body underneath the duvet and am surprised to see he's lost quite a bit of weight and looks toned. He looks at least 10yrs younger. A dream of the unexpected!
Saturday 23 May 2009
Sunday 17 May 2009
Games and the Giant Apricot
My whole family (Robson) seem to be living together in this open plan place. My focus is on getting a bath in this huge corner bath, while everyone else is eating. all my attention is on finding my 'Aussie' conditioner, it seems to have disappeared and I'm spending all my time trying to find out where it went. Looking through my neice Steph's toiletries, i find her ultra slim, little white mobile phone that I pop into a little plastic sleeve.
I end up taking the younger kids to this guided playtime, particularly my brothers down syndrome boy and my sisters autistic daughter. They need to hand on to this giant kart that is picking up all the kids. Then its trundling down a track then taking off quite fast and depositing them in a big pool - but making it fun!!!! I think my brothers boy misses the ride a sit speeds off quickly. As w run along the tack to try to catch the ride for (my sis's daughter now), my mum appears in front of me in a state of undress, her lowere clothes keep flapping open and exposing her bottom half which is nicker less!!! Its very embarrassing to see a woman of her age exposed like this! Although the next time I look she does seem to have a dressing gown on to hide her modesty - but it isn't fastened and flaps open easily! She's seem completely unaware of her state of undress or any embarrassment and just is focused on he kids having fun.
Now I'm walking up a grassy hill with 2 of my Shiatsu teachers and an old dog I used to have. My dog is off lead and as I whistle for him to come over (he's harassing another dog) it look like he's about to fight but thank goodness he's well trained. But he doesn't come immediately he takes a bit of time - I do eventually get him to come back and quickly put him back on the lead as my teachers appear at the top of the hill( the dog started off as my previous dog, turned into my present collie then finally into my niece's jack russel).
Were now in a large group of possible shiatsu students or contacts with my teachers, and I hear Laura has a bowl of food that she says she could eat til it came out of her ears - she's looking into my bowl- which is dark and rich and saying ti looks interesting. But as we sit down I hear her talking to a Buddhist friend in a foreign language. I ask Martin, 'what is it that is so delicious? What are you eating? And he leans over passing me a piece of what looks like a giant dried apricot that's almost the size of a football!! He tears a bit for me - and its v pleasant- not too sweet- but I cant see their fascination for it!
I end up taking the younger kids to this guided playtime, particularly my brothers down syndrome boy and my sisters autistic daughter. They need to hand on to this giant kart that is picking up all the kids. Then its trundling down a track then taking off quite fast and depositing them in a big pool - but making it fun!!!! I think my brothers boy misses the ride a sit speeds off quickly. As w run along the tack to try to catch the ride for (my sis's daughter now), my mum appears in front of me in a state of undress, her lowere clothes keep flapping open and exposing her bottom half which is nicker less!!! Its very embarrassing to see a woman of her age exposed like this! Although the next time I look she does seem to have a dressing gown on to hide her modesty - but it isn't fastened and flaps open easily! She's seem completely unaware of her state of undress or any embarrassment and just is focused on he kids having fun.
Now I'm walking up a grassy hill with 2 of my Shiatsu teachers and an old dog I used to have. My dog is off lead and as I whistle for him to come over (he's harassing another dog) it look like he's about to fight but thank goodness he's well trained. But he doesn't come immediately he takes a bit of time - I do eventually get him to come back and quickly put him back on the lead as my teachers appear at the top of the hill( the dog started off as my previous dog, turned into my present collie then finally into my niece's jack russel).
Were now in a large group of possible shiatsu students or contacts with my teachers, and I hear Laura has a bowl of food that she says she could eat til it came out of her ears - she's looking into my bowl- which is dark and rich and saying ti looks interesting. But as we sit down I hear her talking to a Buddhist friend in a foreign language. I ask Martin, 'what is it that is so delicious? What are you eating? And he leans over passing me a piece of what looks like a giant dried apricot that's almost the size of a football!! He tears a bit for me - and its v pleasant- not too sweet- but I cant see their fascination for it!
Sunday 26 April 2009
Coming back to life
Ive come out of the house to put something on the skip when I notice 1 dead guinea-pig lying on its back. Its very like one i used to have. The skip is full of rubbish and sitting right infront of the village hall. I don't think it will be very pleasant for children playing here, they may see this little creature exposed, could be a bit upsetting. So I'm going to pick it up and move it into a bin so that its covered. But just as I get close up I notice theres another one here too, and as I reach over to pick it up I see the body that appeared lifeless is now breathing!
I cant believe that this little creature thats been lying here for at least 6 months is still alive! I see its fur is wet, and there's lice moving around in its coat but as soon as I pick it up and hold it close to me, (imaginging as I do so that I could wash it and put it somewhere warm and dry and look after it well) it comes miraculously to life looking rather healthy! My focus now is completely on finding a large container/box to house it in.
Where I'm living seems to be this large old house that I'm just discovering new parts of. I'm in a large hall that is like an old primary school hall with wooden floors and a small stage. I get exited at this new space opening up to me that I could take Qi gong classes and workshops in. Its like Ive just discovered a whole new aspect to the place where I live that I want now to share with the people I work with.
A friend arrives (Muriel) and is as exited about this new discovery as I am. Theres a whole collection of old chests of drawers, all different styles and qualities (some made from v nice dark wood that Alan has left out in the rain!) But my main concern at the moment is finding a drawer deep and wide enough to comfortably house the 2 little guinea pigs. Its quite a nice feeling to have these 2 little creatures back again.
I cant believe that this little creature thats been lying here for at least 6 months is still alive! I see its fur is wet, and there's lice moving around in its coat but as soon as I pick it up and hold it close to me, (imaginging as I do so that I could wash it and put it somewhere warm and dry and look after it well) it comes miraculously to life looking rather healthy! My focus now is completely on finding a large container/box to house it in.
Where I'm living seems to be this large old house that I'm just discovering new parts of. I'm in a large hall that is like an old primary school hall with wooden floors and a small stage. I get exited at this new space opening up to me that I could take Qi gong classes and workshops in. Its like Ive just discovered a whole new aspect to the place where I live that I want now to share with the people I work with.
A friend arrives (Muriel) and is as exited about this new discovery as I am. Theres a whole collection of old chests of drawers, all different styles and qualities (some made from v nice dark wood that Alan has left out in the rain!) But my main concern at the moment is finding a drawer deep and wide enough to comfortably house the 2 little guinea pigs. Its quite a nice feeling to have these 2 little creatures back again.
Thursday 23 April 2009
Seat of Consciousness
Ive parked the moped int town but can't put enough parking time on it - I'm thinking of riding back into town to sort it out. As i come out of 3 tiverton (childhhod home) to get on my moped I realise that kids have stolen the bike seat and I'm unable to ride it! a I look up the street I see two young lads about 10/12yrs old. Approaching them I see a large holdall lying on the groun. I'm so convinced they took it that I don't ask any questions, I just put my hand in the bag and sure enough there is my seat. I'm not angry with them -and they dont argue or put up any fight- I just ask 'Why did you do that?' 'Why do you steal?'
Theyre bored one of them says, not much to do. Engaging them both in conversation the older guy talks of a friend older than him that he used to really respect and look up to - this blond, blue-eyed good looking guy. He was honest and had all good qualities.
So I make a suggestion, 'Why don't you become this guy for your little friend here -then he can really look up to you? Although I am aware the younger fella probably does already idolise his older friend, I'm trying to illustrate both responsibility and good leadership by becoming the qualities he so admired in this other guy. I know its a long shot but have to say it anyway and leave- pleased at least that I have my seat and can get back into town.
Getting on my bike, I have floppy doll to carry here too, riding the bike seems easy like this but I have forgotten something - and when I go back to get it - I realsie I now have this old rickety wardrobe attached to the back of the moped. Its badly fitted together, doors illfitting, drawers falling out (like an MFI piece!!) and I realise whaterver I put in there is foing to fall out the back as i ride. Not only that it is so cumbersome its going to knock me off balance. so Iget off the moped to sort through this wardrobe to see what I can remove.
This feels like an endless task, the whole wardrobe is full of my neice's old quilts, blankets, shoes, bags n stuff the only thing I spen afew moments gazing at is some samples of beautiful material much like those in the crystal healing dream. All the other stuff gets flung onto my sister, (her mothers) bed. I'm wonering if what I'm doing is worth it because when I'm finished I still have this huge wardrobe (albeit now empty) still on the back of my moped. Why didn't I just get on the moped with the doll in a rucsac in the first place?
I want to remove the wardrobe but its attached with screws quite securely and dismantling will be a long process and I'm feeling a bit impatient. If I ride it like it is it will be an awkward a nd wobbly ride!
Theyre bored one of them says, not much to do. Engaging them both in conversation the older guy talks of a friend older than him that he used to really respect and look up to - this blond, blue-eyed good looking guy. He was honest and had all good qualities.
So I make a suggestion, 'Why don't you become this guy for your little friend here -then he can really look up to you? Although I am aware the younger fella probably does already idolise his older friend, I'm trying to illustrate both responsibility and good leadership by becoming the qualities he so admired in this other guy. I know its a long shot but have to say it anyway and leave- pleased at least that I have my seat and can get back into town.
Getting on my bike, I have floppy doll to carry here too, riding the bike seems easy like this but I have forgotten something - and when I go back to get it - I realsie I now have this old rickety wardrobe attached to the back of the moped. Its badly fitted together, doors illfitting, drawers falling out (like an MFI piece!!) and I realise whaterver I put in there is foing to fall out the back as i ride. Not only that it is so cumbersome its going to knock me off balance. so Iget off the moped to sort through this wardrobe to see what I can remove.
This feels like an endless task, the whole wardrobe is full of my neice's old quilts, blankets, shoes, bags n stuff the only thing I spen afew moments gazing at is some samples of beautiful material much like those in the crystal healing dream. All the other stuff gets flung onto my sister, (her mothers) bed. I'm wonering if what I'm doing is worth it because when I'm finished I still have this huge wardrobe (albeit now empty) still on the back of my moped. Why didn't I just get on the moped with the doll in a rucsac in the first place?
I want to remove the wardrobe but its attached with screws quite securely and dismantling will be a long process and I'm feeling a bit impatient. If I ride it like it is it will be an awkward a nd wobbly ride!
Tuesday 21 April 2009
A Brush with Darkness
Ive run out the front of South Lodge in the middle of the night, there's a flashy sports car parked at the entrance gates. I'm wondering who's parked here at this time of night. I may bump it and it clicks or a light comes on, ( a bit like activiating either an alarm or locking system). I begin to walk down the road from my house towards the village hall and I realise there's somebody approaching but all I feel is a dark shadow brush past me. I know its a man and I think the car belongs to him. Fear begins to rise as I hear him turn around and I know he's coming after me.
Somehow I'm now inside my house, my husband is here. Its the dead of night and I feel the man is still out there, angry, waiting. I'm telling Alan about it and I feel really scared as he goes to check if he's still there. I'm hoping he's just going to look out through the letter box -I'm horrified as he opens the door right up. What's he going to do if this 'threatening' man just bursts past him?
And sure enough someone just pushes past him into the house -and relief dawns as i see its not a scarey man but one of my brothers, Wayne. I remember he told me a while ago he was coming late in the evening. After him my other two brothers arrive and even my father following up the rear, looking a little bemused. You too? I say, and he shrugs his shoulders...realising he had no choice really, having Alzheimers they couldn't leave him at home alone. It was a long journey is all he says, he'd have ralther stayed at home. They're all hungry but Wayne has brought food for himself.
I feel a little unprepared for the whole of the male contingency of my family to arrive. I'm trying to accomodate them with food etc but just a bit taken aback by it all. I think David, Wayne and Michael say theyre not staying, just resting here a moment for a cup of tea then going back.
Somehow I'm now inside my house, my husband is here. Its the dead of night and I feel the man is still out there, angry, waiting. I'm telling Alan about it and I feel really scared as he goes to check if he's still there. I'm hoping he's just going to look out through the letter box -I'm horrified as he opens the door right up. What's he going to do if this 'threatening' man just bursts past him?
And sure enough someone just pushes past him into the house -and relief dawns as i see its not a scarey man but one of my brothers, Wayne. I remember he told me a while ago he was coming late in the evening. After him my other two brothers arrive and even my father following up the rear, looking a little bemused. You too? I say, and he shrugs his shoulders...realising he had no choice really, having Alzheimers they couldn't leave him at home alone. It was a long journey is all he says, he'd have ralther stayed at home. They're all hungry but Wayne has brought food for himself.
I feel a little unprepared for the whole of the male contingency of my family to arrive. I'm trying to accomodate them with food etc but just a bit taken aback by it all. I think David, Wayne and Michael say theyre not staying, just resting here a moment for a cup of tea then going back.
Monday 20 April 2009
Private Pool
I'm in a private school swimming pool. The pool is being used. I think Grant may be here. As I get in I'm enjoying feeling strong as I swim up and down. Each time I do a length I feel I get stronger, and each time it feels like I reach the opposite side very quicly. I feel powerful and strong when I'm swimming.
Getting out of the pool I'm now in the changing room speaking to some of the girls who are being asked to stay and finish their homework, late into the evening. I realise this is a 24hr school , it is very good , has great facilities but really there is no such thing as 'time off' here. The children dont seem to mind too much. There's a good buzz about the place.
Getting out of the pool I'm now in the changing room speaking to some of the girls who are being asked to stay and finish their homework, late into the evening. I realise this is a 24hr school , it is very good , has great facilities but really there is no such thing as 'time off' here. The children dont seem to mind too much. There's a good buzz about the place.
Sunday 19 April 2009
Shiatsu Hanger
I'm practicing Shiatsu in this large 'hangar' or warehouse. the girl I'm working on seems to be not too interested, she keeps getting up to do something else. I make a joke saying 'hey, you're not doing much for my self confidence here, my shiatsu can't be up to much if you can actually get up in the middle of it!'
I'm now under covers next to the wall on the left - lying next to someone whom I think may be a woman, but i'm not sure. Because after the shiatsu has finsihed were now stroking one another, it feels a little like a lover at times. Were trying to have a close, intimate moment but in this very busy room its not posiible, or someone asks what were doing and I feel too self conscious to continue (it would be frowned upon).
Its the end of the day and were all going home, gathering up our stuff. I'm going to head off for the bus home but realising ive left my cashbox and any money I need for bus fares in the Shiatsu hangar. I need to go back and get it.
Once I'm in the first section of the hangar, I realise I'm suddenly surrounded by some guys on motorbikes whose intention is to break in and cause mishchief. I feel quite insecure. I have a small indian boy with me- feel I need to look after him- but they're more interested in women. I'm now stuck because if I go in to the hangar to get my bus fare they'll know where I keep my cash box and take all my Shiatsu money. But if I don't I wont be able to get home. I'm conflicted as to the best course of action.
I'm now under covers next to the wall on the left - lying next to someone whom I think may be a woman, but i'm not sure. Because after the shiatsu has finsihed were now stroking one another, it feels a little like a lover at times. Were trying to have a close, intimate moment but in this very busy room its not posiible, or someone asks what were doing and I feel too self conscious to continue (it would be frowned upon).
Its the end of the day and were all going home, gathering up our stuff. I'm going to head off for the bus home but realising ive left my cashbox and any money I need for bus fares in the Shiatsu hangar. I need to go back and get it.
Once I'm in the first section of the hangar, I realise I'm suddenly surrounded by some guys on motorbikes whose intention is to break in and cause mishchief. I feel quite insecure. I have a small indian boy with me- feel I need to look after him- but they're more interested in women. I'm now stuck because if I go in to the hangar to get my bus fare they'll know where I keep my cash box and take all my Shiatsu money. But if I don't I wont be able to get home. I'm conflicted as to the best course of action.
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